


Lance Alone In His Shadow

by Chatlote



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depressed Lance (Voltron), Gen, I made this way more angsty and dramatic than needed, Panic Attacks, Red Paladin Lance (Voltron), i am pretty damn sure there must be already hundreds of fics like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 08:56:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11528895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chatlote/pseuds/Chatlote
Summary: Lance discovers he is going to pilot the Red Lion.He doesn't handle being Keith replacement again all that well.





	Lance Alone In His Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> this was done in 20-30 mins and i wasn't even going to post it but a friend insisted so here ya go  
> trigger warning in case you didn't read the tags: panic attack

"Are you alright with this Lance?" Hunk asked as they were going back to their own rooms. "Piloting Red? I know that you and Blue-"

"Hm? Pffff, I am doing great." He laughed, Hunk didn't look convinced, he improvised. "I mean, this is the best way to prove to Keith I am better than him right? I will pilot Red better than he ever did, just you wait buddy."

Hunk smiled, there was pity in his eyes, it made Lance feel sick. Was he really that easy to read? "I guess you are right" Hunk said. Lance knew that Hunk hadn't believed a single word he had said.

He needed to run away, he couldn't handle it anymore "I am going back to my room now, see ya later." Fast walking before Hunk could say anything else he entered his room and locked the door behind him.

He banged the back of his head against the door, he bit his lip and tried to hold back the tears. Keyword: tried.

He was suffocating, he couldn't breathe, as the tears started pouring he was still trying to get oxygen back on his lungs. _I am having a panic attack, this is just great._

Falling to his knees he grabbed onto his shirt, pulling it with all the strength he could muster at the moment.

When he started sobbing, he was finally he was able to get a gulf of air back on his lungs, he took deep breathes in. The tears didn't stop.

_This sucks. This is the fucking worst._ He felt like the walls were closing in on him.

He was shaking, unable to calm himself down. His teeth were clashing from time to time as his chin trembled. As a small whimper left his mouth, he bit his lip. He couldn't let anyone hear him, he couldn't let anyone know _. I am fine, I am the Paladin of the Red Lion and I am fine. I am once again being used as Keith replacement and that's fine._

That thought didn't help him, that thought didn't help him a single bit, it made it worse actually.

He bit his lip harder, it started bleeding. The metalic taste filled his mouth.

He remembered their fights, the other times he had tasted blood, it felt like a familiar taste to him now. As he sucked in another few drops he wondered if he could make himself bleed to death through the wound on his lip. He knew it was a silly thought but he couldn't help but wonder.

It would be so much easier, just ending it all.

Would anyone even care? Maybe. Probably because it would be a hydrance finding someone else for Red, it was a 'picky chooser' after all.

_There goes Lance, dying at the worst of moments, giving more work to the rest of us._

He chuckled at the thought, not sure why he found it so funny but he couldn't help it. After all he was thinking of ending his life with a lip wound.

 With his hands still shaking he bent his back forward, making himself smaller, into a ball. It felt warmer, safer. It was truly just him.

 He took deep breaths, waiting for the tears to dry out.

Eventually, they did. The tears were gone and he was left empty once again.

He got up, meaning to walk to his bed but with his legs still shaking he tripped over himself and spetacurlaly fell in front of it.

_God I am pathetic._

Bitterly laughing at himself he wondered how had he managed to get himself stuck on a situation where he had to replace Keith. Hadn't been the Garrison enough? Why did he always have to follow the other's footsteps, why couldn't he just be himself?

_Is being who I am really that inconvenient for everyone? Why keep me around then? Why was I even chosen? I am just a useless poor replica of Keith, there is no point._

He felt his eyes sting, he wanted to cry again but his eyes were dry. He threw his head back and laughed at his own self doubt. I wish this would all just end. He got himself up, let his body fall on top of the bed and closed his eyes.

 Hoping that this was all just a nightmare, he fell asleep, exhausted.

\--------------

On the other side of the door stood Keith, with his hand still raised ready to knock on the door. It had been like that for a few minutes.

He had stood there as he heard Lance fall to the ground, as muffled whimpers came through the door along with obviously fake laughing.

Clenching his hand into a fist, he bit his lip and let his arm fall.

 With one foot at a time, he walked away, cursing to himself about how useless he was.

_I am not fit to be the leader._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this thing <3   
> My art tumblr: chatlote


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